#happiermil

The photo at the top of this post is where, as I write, I am having a quick #doubleespresso.  And so the relevant Instagram handles as follows: @joeandthejuice @johnlewisretail @liverpool_oneofficial – all seen just this minute …

And so it consequently all makes for a #happiermil.

And let me explain why: why a #happiermil.  I am a generally sociable person who survives solitude poorly.  My married life has been one of quite severe loneliness.  It got to the point two or three years ago where I had no friends of my own at all.  Everything the world did to me hurt badly.  But in truth, I actually proceeded to revert my sadness onto this outer world because I refused to say goodbye to an existence which had been a lie for a long long time.

I would as a result rail against everyone I came into contact with, and thus never sustained outside relationships which could’ve saved me.

Little by little, however, since December 2015, I have begun to break free. Today I realised how far I had come.

Today, I felt a bit sad, ‘because a video app was fucking me about, but instead of getting sadder and sadder – as before I might have – I went for the above-mentioned coffee and used the store’s wifi to download a ton of mostly happy songs from my Amazon Prime music account.

Now this may seem small beer and fairly irrelevant – and even generally insignificant – to yous, but for me my tipping-points are slowly tipping me towards happier climes – and maybe one day happier times, and people too.

I am beginning to fight the persons – myself included on occasions – who have been at the root of my sadness, instead of taking the easy way out by fighting the rest of the billions of inhabitants of this rock – a place I do so love, even so.

And always have.  And always will. 

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