I’ve realised something important today. I’m not clever at all. But I like the interior world I inhabit, and its crazy assumptions. And also, I don’t need to share it with anyone else to feel happy. That is to say, am delighted to share it with a million people for free, because there’s no SLA or contract involved. Just liberty. And liberty is the most important thing of all for me.
What I don’t need any more, however, is to share it with one special person or another. Clearly, my fate – destiny sounds better, mind – is to revert to batchelorship. And perhaps for the trail of hurt souls I already leave behind me, it is better if in the future we do not add to this trail.
Interestingly, it was suggested this afternoon that after the MA is over, I could go anywhere in the world and reinvent myself. I was told exactly the same when I went to Dublin recently.
In fact it’s not true. Anywhere I go my digital footprint will follow. So the best thing of all is to scrabble a living however you may in the place you best feel at home. And whilst Liverpool is so very fabulous, and so many other places could be just as wonderful, I stick with Dublin as my fave place to die.
My goal is a place not a role, as I said before. And if it does have to be a McJob, but at the very least at the weekends or evenings I can walk my solitary self in St Stephen’s Green, then I shall be content and whole again.
I have found my resting-place. Let’s hope my job will allow me not to burden my surviving family with the cost of paying for it.