She: The lack of a caress – what does it mean to you?
He: A caress is a sign of kindness.
She: So the lack of a caress?
He: It doesn’t mean a lack of kindness.
She: What does it mean?
He: A lack of a caress.
She: Didn’t you say …?
He: [looks up from his phone] What did I say?
She: We were talking about kindness.
He: No! [smiling gently] You were talking about kindness. I was looking at my phone.
She: But you replied –
He: [interrupting firmly] And actually, you were really talking about the silliest of things, now weren’t you? Who would need a caress? And why, for goodness sake?
She: I need it. A caress, and then a fuck. Soft and kind; hard and fast; I don’t really care. Just a fuck now and then.
He: Really, my dear. We’re far too boring for that.
She: Boring you say? Not even far too old? Not even an excuse we can share with the neighbours?
He: [posting a comment on Facebook] Now don’t be sharing … shit … yeah? Don’t be sharing shit.
She: I’m a Digital Citizen. I believe in freedom of expression. Transparency and clarity. Saying it how it is.
He: [grins briefly] I can show it how it is, dear Digital Citizen mine.
She: [glances at the naked shower photo of her which he has brought up on his phone’s 5-inch screen] When did that happen?
He: I have so many!
She: I don’t have any.
He: You’re a Digital Citizen. You share. I’m not. I just share what others share.
She: Do you share my naked photos?
He: [chuckles] You’ve even got a website dedicated to you. [expressing mock surprise] Didn’t you know? My friends all really dig you.
She: [her turn to chuckle] Who says “dig”‘ any more? Now that’s defo your age!
He: [loftily] I’ll have you know I’m considered to be quite a character.
She: [pauses for a long moment, before deciding her next move] Oh bugger off, you “quite a character”! I’m off to find a transparent fuck-buddy …
He: [looks up for a split-second and then, returning to his tapping, speaks almost under his breath] Yeah, OK dear. But remember one thing: transparency is for glass houses – and stones do usually break bones.