unadulterated in REAL fidelity

there are times and rhymes where hers and mine could easy well have been.

but instead of a happy ever after,

i failed to shrug off my label

and she gained another.

and then you rejected me twice, and thrice, and intellectually

you damned me and rammed me and happenstance

you condemned me.

and maybe, just maybe, you were right.

no fairy tale of ending driven in companionship is this,

for either c or me:

just a very tale of consistent rewind –

and so now i understand how it was thus,

p’raps inevitable.

 

but whilst maybe you are unfortuned in the harmony you alight on,

i am still, in a way, the lucky guy:

i still believe in the future and change and growing, and knowing

that love is around the corner, with its lows and highs

and mighty sighs,

and its sex and its wrecks and its nights of sheer

desperation.

 

and its moments of sheer bliss: unadulterated in real fidelity.

 

and if there is to be no love of breakfast whys we care to share,

at least let us together

set to rights

the whites and blacks of the dominant bastards

who cruelly simplify to the nth degree the complicity of

hangers-on,

where the energy of these

only serves to consume our humanity.

 

tbh, dear c, all i now want is to work with you:

to know better your integrity, your persistence, your gentility.

 

to know how i might learn from you

the skills and sets and rests and tools which

your brains of beautiful consideration find elemental

in all their

splendid recommendation.

 

and gently i am approaching your ability to see and assess

the world as it really is:

no longer am i mad, as a year ago i was.

i realise, finally, the need and importance of limits

seriously in place,

in order that communication

never be a race to the idiocy of the ideological

or the emotional, in cack-handed rush to this deconstructing

promiscuity.

 

something must be constant in mind and love, after all.

 

so if you can, do find it in you

to give me a chance, a real chance to recover us two:

not for peace in any way

but for life in every may,

and might,

and sight and say.

 

just a chance i ask for, gentle.

just a chance i ask for –

no longer mental!

🙂

 

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