On leaving [people behind]

When the leaving is cruel

There is nothing to do 

But justify yourself.

But the cruelty may lie

Not in the act or the moment

But in the time it has taken to decide.

And even when others will say

The day and the minute

Are huge details to commit oneself 

To such wild course of action,

The now of my need

Nurtured so long 

Is by far the most important factor

I can possibly hold onto.

And so if I begin to leave behind 

Those who followed my footsteps 

By dogging my thoughts

Instead of touching my soughts 

Let me explain myself – do! –

All and for once: 

I loved you all as best I could

But me, you made me wooden

And dead to the world of sense

And love; 

And to that I never can 

Ever turn back.

6 thoughts on “On leaving [people behind]

    1. Yes I agree 100 percent. The problem I have at the moment is working out whether what has been done to me over the years gives me the right to leave a person who refuses to admit that in a relationship of two, there are two people who may need help in fixing their lives. I was close to a living death in 2015: terrified of driving, never able to fly anywhere, limited to submissive roles everywhere I went and spoke. Ever since I have stopped being to each interlocutor what each interlocutor wanted of me, I have begun to find my core: to in fact define a core which had never been defined before. What has worked for me is observe those who consistently cause me pain and those who make me feel comfortable in their presence. I *will* be perceived as cruel by those I *leave behind*, but it will only happen because they never did anything but onboard me onto their idea of what I had to be. That is the background, dear Candice – and my fear of being perceived as cruel has prevented me from earlier being any self akin to what I surely am.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I don’t think leaving a person is cruel. I think acting deliberately to hurt someone is cruel. If you have to leave because you feel you have been hurt and it is not healthy for you, then you are not being cruel you are trying to be honest and that’s commendable. Don’t let societal fears of ‘abandoning someone’ convince you that leaving someone for a good reason is still fair-minded and not being cruel – although I’m a hypocrite I know how hard it can be my friend. Just be honest with yourself, if they have made you feel this way consistently it cannot be doing you or them any good in the long run. xo

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      2. That is the conclusion I have arrived at, yes. It is very hard, and I have failed to sort this – though not for wanting of trying or for a lack of patience. I feel a failure because I have failed. But there is nothing to do now but fail. (sighs)

        Liked by 1 person

      3. No my friend when things don’t work it doesn’t mean you’re a failure at all. You’re not. Not in any way. You tried. More than most. Now focus on healing but don’t tear yourself down you’re not a failure sometimes things just do not work♡♡♡

        Liked by 1 person

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