[Lo]OS[e-beginnings] / [The WO-MEN of my life]

 

Loose ends were my life for much

of my strife,

and then today something changed altogether.

And although I have known for

quite some time now

how rhymes only structure a pain or a pleasure,

there is something else to life

that is longer than

either: something far finer than this.

 

And although it would be highly

remiss of me to claim I have discovered

any sanctuary

in small discovery I made just then with my second son

and child,

the truth of the matter is that

together we have solved what for us was a grand

mystery of serious significance.

 

For whilst we’d love, between the two of us,

to have lives of cut-

and-

dri-

edness,

this evening we have realised

we can still have the limits to the awful natures

of those who do live around us, without

necessarily cutting off all relation or exchange

or be 

with these people who vex our souls, so poor.

 

And so I am decided that my marriage is

at an end: not because it has to be like this;

simply, rather,

because the black and white alternati-

ves which stare me in the face

have clearly been imposed upon the one we used to be.

 

And culpability is not the word;

and guilt is not

a helpful concept.

 

In truth, and in most of what we saw together,

it was the both of us – son and father,

in crime! – who began to realise, perhaps so late,

in my case at grand

old 54, that a life made of loose ends is awful

frustrating; but a life of

loose beginnings is actually,

utteringly

diff:

a) clearly on my existence’s horizon, stiff;

b) quite certainly technologically operable; and

c) just the grandest double I may goddamn next well take!

 

So don’t frustrate yourself again:

I am become quite resilient;

quite powerful;

quite knowing of my ken – as if it then

was my time.

 

And whilst double-barrelling our shotguns to the

crosshairs of the future – if

such a weapon of hybrid concoction can ever properly

resist – might lead us to confuse with whom we need

to be and why,

at least by now, and after such wise evening,

we both do know this future is cool.

 

And so even in incomplete and difficult relationship,

relationship of all-time trying, human,

complexity – which

surely will never 

perform exact as it may should – some good will ultimately

come of being together.

 

And where this togetherness eventually runs its

of course,

as in some cases we shall

inevitably

tend to suffer and see, life carries on as it must

and can; as

the can that must be carried on

ennobles our

wonderful would.

 

So listen to me two stanzas more,

if two stanzas more

you can

stand: I’ve loved and lost so many years

to so many people

who could’ve lived in me,

that I realise now I cannot count them out

nor count them

back steadily

at all.

 

And whilst my hand will continue to tremor

its age,

let me tell you this final wisdom:

let me inform you this final word.

Amongst the heard and lost

and bewildered, I will always love yous, however

resisted.

I will love all the women who ever crossed my path

and whispered, even if only in passing:

“Together we might have been

something bold.

“Together – who knows what the future

might yet hold?”

 

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