Shaming my [na]me / Taming my[self]

And so it does now become me to tell 

You – bell clear! –

I do want to go

And also tell near to

The police all those things I saw and sensed, and was clearly bewildered by

And muddily bemused.

And you suffered as badly – if not even worse – the pain of the confusion and the tight reining 

In:

Of unsenses, of galleried and gal[or]red, pretty

Evil-like,

Right …?

… [A]nd as I announce, a bit 

Crudely it’s true, 

That I want to pursue 

The truth of 

That time – the hurt 

Of those things I did go and do you[s],

Of everything I 

Made wrong for [us] all – 

It tall does begin to

Flood into your mind, and

So my rhymes no longer have the value 

Was able once to give them that brilliant-

Like,

For you (a person I did see so true).

And so now it has come: that moment of real tearsome 

Tearing 

Striking down and down

Of manhood, of me: 

The failures I’ve nursed so

Long as I have …

[F]or all the bad I committed,

As I have.

And you tell me that here, right here, at this moment, I must choose 

Between clearing my name and my shame, and so

According to you –

Dropping all of us in it

In such a horrifying worse …

Or, alternatively, just being with me and you,

In relative calm,

To live out our li[v]es and forget the damn mess 

The past made of too many 

[Of us] –

Set and cruelly 

Jest[ed],

It’s true – through the violence of

State and the 

Cruelty of family.

And that choice does so hurt;

And there is no squaring of circle;

And that end is in sight as it takes its own course;

And the resources I once felt

I had fairly to hand do seem to abandon me,

As – hand in hand – all friends do retire 

The clarity and love I once enjoyed.

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