Finally, losing it all 

You got to get hurt a little bit 

to forget a hurt 

which hurt you a lot.

But the trust which that big hurt

made you lose the last fourteen years 

is nothing compared

to the sense of real loss

the cost of your games 

will have on me this evening.

Why did you think, 

Claire, it so very important 

to only ever show

and never tell?

For whilst the play of 

show is so grand,

the time we might once

have shared is now utterly


If only you’d trusted me

enough to share truths

about the horrible things your mother 

did do to me, 

I’d have more clearly seen your

purpose wasn’t me

but simply a clarity 

a family needed to get of me.

And instead of making a fool of myself,

and embarrassing you awfully in such

public space, 

we could still have been friends

and seen each other cool – 

and the gain would have made

fools out of neither.

I hope one day

you get to read the words that

led to this place and

this night.

And if you ever do,

and if you ever do understand,

remember the sense of loss

I now feel,

and never – but never – repeat the game


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