Never ever was on (or how you can only ever win by losing)

I do now realise it never was ever on: neither blue nor

yellow, nor anything on any spectrum.

 

 

Instead, it was just a game yous played with

my sent-

i-

me[a]nts, and with this game yous

knew you’d achieve your goddamn

out-

comes: your blessed in-

comings and out-

goings, and

fro-ings and to-ings and

all, and

all the

other -ings

in be-

t-

[we-

an]: and it wasn’t my self and my

love you’d satisfy

but my thirst for knowledge, and

so my ability to think of uncanny

future on your

curiously uncanny

be-

half.

 

 

Like beautiful woman valued

only for appearance, you now value me

only for grey cells: curious and

patchy in places widely laced, and yet

worthy of

further exper-

i-

[me-

n]tation and far weirder st-

u-

dy[e] (no fave colours for

me,

though!): and

so, and in fact, that –

for yous – is

what

must I re

main and be and see and make and

take and retake and

redraw[er], like treasure chest pillaged

until emptied of all its

gold, and then

sold to oldest bidder …

 

 

… a beautiful mind to be

entirely restricted

to the singular appreciation

of thought without

love, of a **ck off – without

the fuck.

 

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