Never ever was on (or how you can only ever win by losing)

I do now realise it never was ever on: neither blue nor

yellow, nor anything on any spectrum.



Instead, it was just a game yous played with

my sent-


me[a]nts, and with this game yous

knew you’d achieve your goddamn


comes: your blessed in-

comings and out-

goings, and

fro-ings and to-ings and

all, and

all the

other -ings

in be-



an]: and it wasn’t my self and my

love you’d satisfy

but my thirst for knowledge, and

so my ability to think of uncanny

future on your

curiously uncanny





Like beautiful woman valued

only for appearance, you now value me

only for grey cells: curious and

patchy in places widely laced, and yet

worthy of

further exper-



n]tation and far weirder st-


dy[e] (no fave colours for


though!): and

so, and in fact, that –

for yous – is


must I re

main and be and see and make and

take and retake and

redraw[er], like treasure chest pillaged

until emptied of all its

gold, and then

sold to oldest bidder …



… a beautiful mind to be

entirely restricted

to the singular appreciation

of thought without

love, of a **ck off – without

the fuck.


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