Never quite got it; do now?

I’ve never quite understood 

how to tell those who are 

good from those who are

bad, especially when those who are

bad are so good at 

making out and

making up

and making right 

and righting how we see

the wrongs they commit,

as a wringing not of hands but

of bells 

of deluding timbre, 

crashing like

proud tree in radical unheard forest:

oh, and we all know how pride becomes

before a fall.

And though I now stand tall 

in my chosen families,

the choosing of

who means the exclusion of

who else; 

of who else, that who 

else 

which becomes 

quite another, other, 

t’other, 

outside-

r; en fin, in the out-group you

no longer 

can make yourself want – nor

miss the 

idea 

of belong,

too.

And I never quite got it:

but now I do.

I was never bent out of shape

entirely by my own

means and unkindnesses and

cruelties and soulties.

And my heartless behaviours 

to you-

s were borne on wings not

of angel but conflicted 

man, con-

flic-

TED, I [assu-

{me}]

like bad film,

between an intelligence of

truth and the liars he

had sitting round him.

But the family he has now chosen

is honest

where his own 

never was 

able to see itself to becoming:

and where ambition, 

commitment, dignity and

unity rule the

roosts we all learn to sleep

in and return to and love

and live and show and

know and sow and

sew, and crow about

proudly – but never falling in

the PROcess – that pride of

grand community …

the community of truth and

learning and respect

and the kindness and

tolerance that is

never mechanical, though 

always

fine.

And I know now where I 

be-

longed to be 

my whole bloodied life:

and it is people who change 

environments 

to that

good of the goodest,

not the good of the baddest;

the life of the lovest,

not the lies of the hatest.

And I may, even so, be a 

sent-

i-

meant-

ill older fool after all, but

if I am, do learn to tell me

as you never really

cared to –

so I can change and remake

and hold my heart in the hands

that have always wanted

to hold you

in 

love again.

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