When your heart doesn’t (quite) fall apart

"Freshly Ground" #costacoffee #ellesmereport

A post shared by Miljenko Williams (@miljenko_williams) on

 

There’s a moment when your

heart doesn’t actually part, when it fails to

fall apart,

when the people you loved stop being

the people you loved.

And it cannot be said when in your

head this may happen: but in my case

right now, I realise the lessons

I’ve been taught and had given, quite

[bit

ter-

{ly] (quite) –

ingly}, this wearisome week.

So I am no longer a man who was never fully

rejected by a lover who loved with uncertain

joy: the doors have now closed

like icy daggers in shape of

fingers that scrabble and scuttle under

stones where beetles roam, in

unseasonable hurry; and I worry as

I must as my trust does surely fade,

and the beds I so wanted to sleep in remain

coolly made up; never ruffled with[out] sex

and the warmth of a solid embrace

and the grasping hug of love.

And twice have I been taught lessons of love:

and not only now utterly abandoned

by ex-lover missed in the absence of

shared duskings and dawnings and

mournings and moorings

in harbours of nights where ships

past: well past: well

past are they.

 

Oh … the grind (seen in #costacoffee #ellesmereport)

A post shared by Miljenko Williams (@miljenko_williams) on

 

And so my ex-lover no longer sinks

deeply in my stomach, as if

hammer on nail into belly-laugh of

pain; but the lesson does

deepen even further than this: I have opened

my soul to stranger from a passed I never

did experience, and yet believing it

to be: and in this curious set of encounters I found

temporary truths

which no longer do walk: only stuttering and

stumbling along tests of curious drive.

And she asks me to drive her, and I did her minions’

bidding, and once I did so, and thence a fool

I did make of my being and myself.

And the fool is so grand.

And so she asks me again to make a fool of me

again.

And again and again,

and again.

 

#costacoffee #ellesmereport

A post shared by Miljenko Williams (@miljenko_williams) on

4 thoughts on “When your heart doesn’t (quite) fall apart

    1. Then p’raps it’s time to do another recording? I have, this evening btw, reached a kinda resolution in my life. It seems I have finally squared the circle which surrounded it. Wish me luck, mebbe?

      Liked by 1 person

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