Loss of the blackest kind

In less than five minutes

In a car park of church

And community 

I lose everything I had won;

And it is all undone by 

The person I once loved the very most.

But if I were stronger 

Then nothing would touch me

Even as no one did touch me 

For all these years

For all this time.

And so to blame her for my undoing

Is as wrong as wrong can be.

For it is me I must blame:

It is I who cannot thrive.

It is I who cannot live.

It is I who cannot survive.

And it is I who manifests

The weakness that

Brings about my disintegration.

This is the blackest loss of all:

To win everything and lose

Everything

Is no journey to 

Hell and back but simply

A journey to hell and rack

And permanent torturing of

Soul now unable to continue 

Alone.

And my life is over.

And my survival begins.

3 thoughts on “Loss of the blackest kind

    1. It’s horrible. In five minutes emotional blackmail coupled with circumstances which make the blackmail fair comment 50 percent of the time fair destroyed me. I have had to write it out of my system in this and the following two posts. But I do *not* want to lose the progress over the past six months, and I fear if this repeats I shall lose everything. 😦

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hopefully you won’t. It seems like you’ve learned a lot about yourself that you perhaps weren’t able to see before. This would be hard to forget, and should be. Like you say, you’ve made progress. Even if it feels like a slog now, keep slogging. It’s still better than stagnation and regression. (I say this like it’s the easiest thing in the world. Of course it isn’t, as I can attest from my own story.)

        Liked by 1 person

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